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Old 05-17-2012, 02:20 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Electric Vehicle Suffers Massive Flat Tire



May 16, 2012, Silicon Valley, CA - A Fisker Karma electric vehicle suffered a massive flat tire, rendering the vehicle inoperable. The owner was forced to have the car towed to a Fisker dealership for repairs.

Within hours of the catastrophic tire failure, Fisker Director of Global Communications Roger Ormisher released the following statement:

"While our investigative team has not reached a definitive conclusion, we are certain that the Karma's battery was not the source of the flat tire. Our SWAT team has been scrambled to the site and should be wrapped up shortly. Early indications are that the vehicle may have contacted a broken curb, resulting in a sidewall failure."

Fisker Automotive has suffered a number of embarrasing public relations gaffes recently, including the failure of a Fisker Karma purchased by Consumer Reports, a Fisker Karma owned by a convicted felon catching on fire, and the publication of a photo of founder Henrik Fisker with several hairs out of place.

Fisker received a $529M loan from the Obama administration's Department of Energy for the development of electric vehicles. While this program was put in place under the Bush administration, it has been pushed heavily by President Obama. Informed sources say that the President wants to be remembered as the father of the electric car, in much the same way that Al Gore has been acknowledged as having invented the Internet.

Electric vehicle industry pundit Jon Bereisa, founder and Chief Consultant of JB EV BS Group, was contacted by this paper for his informed opinion on yet another failure of a Fisker Karma. He stated:

"I haven't seen the affected car yet, but in my considered opinion the problem is with the massive electric motors used to power the Karma. Their very strong magnets can cause metal objects in the road to be propelled toward the rear end of the Karma. I'm certain one of those metal objects punctured the sidewall. I don't know where Fisker gets off in thinking they should equip their vehicles with powerful electric motors and 22" wheels. At GM, we didn't see the need to employ such ostentatious technology on the EV1 and Volt."

A news video van from the San Jose outlet of a major TV network was on scene to film the Karma being mounted on the flatbed tow truck. When asked whether this footage could be expected to be shown on the 11PM newscast, the onsite director stated: "You're **** straight we'll be running this tonight. This is no ordinary flat tire. This is a flat tire on an EV. I'd lose my job if we were scooped by another network of this one."



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Old 05-17-2012, 02:59 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Default RE: Electric Vehicle Suffers Massive Flat Tire

Well played sir.
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Old 05-17-2012, 03:30 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Default RE: Electric Vehicle Suffers Massive Flat Tire

Now all we need are EV Flatbeds.
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Old 05-17-2012, 03:58 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Default RE: Electric Vehicle Suffers Massive Flat Tire

The SWAT team also cordoned off portions of the scene with non-transparent tarps to block the view from the public.




We have not yet seen any written report form the Silicon Valley tire department and believe that their investigation is continuing. As of now, multiple insurance investigators are involved, and we have not ruled out possible fraud or malicious intent. We are aware that nails were found in the garage in or around the vehicle. Also, broken curb debris located in the road next to the vehicle is also being examined by the investigators as well as tire department officials.
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Old 05-17-2012, 09:20 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Electric Vehicle Suffers Massive Flat Tire

Quote:
Originally Posted by doug
The SWAT team also cordoned off portions of the scene with non-transparent tarps to block the view from the public.




We have not yet seen any written report form the Silicon Valley tire department and believe that their investigation is continuing. As of now, multiple insurance investigators are involved, and we have not ruled out possible fraud or malicious intent. We are aware that nails were found in the garage in or around the vehicle. Also, broken curb debris located in the road next to the vehicle is also being examined by the investigators as well as tire department officials.
Touché!
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Old 05-17-2012, 10:05 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Default RE: Electric Vehicle Suffers Massive Flat Tire

Quote:
Originally Posted by dennis

"I haven't seen the affected car yet, but in my considered opinion the problem is with the massive electric motors used to power the Karma. Their very strong magnets can cause metal objects in the road to be propelled toward the rear end of the Karma. I'm certain one of those metal objects punctured the sidewall. I don't know where Fisker gets "
So funny. Yesterday I had my local DEALER fix a flat on my driver side rear tire. (HUGE BOLT)
Free of Charge.

Thank You Patrick Fisker
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Old 05-17-2012, 12:09 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Default RE: Electric Vehicle Suffers Massive Flat Tire

Now watch the news media pickup on this satirical blog post and it'll be all over Fox by day's end...
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Old 05-17-2012, 01:11 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Default RE: Electric Vehicle Suffers Massive Flat Tire

Quote:
Originally Posted by dennis
Electric vehicle industry pundit Jon Bereisa, founder and Chief Consultant of JB EV BS Group, was contacted by this paper for his informed opinion on yet another failure of a Fisker Karma. He stated:

"I haven't seen the affected car yet, but in my considered opinion the problem is with the massive electric motors used to power the Karma. Their very strong magnets can cause metal objects in the road to be propelled toward the rear end of the Karma. I'm certain one of those metal objects punctured the sidewall. I don't know where Fisker gets off in thinking they should equip their vehicles with powerful electric motors and 22" wheels. At GM, we didn't see the need to employ such ostentatious technology on the EV1 and Volt."
*"Our technologies and motor design have been fully tested and certified at the highest level. It is irresponsible and ill-informed for technology pundits to suggest otherwise in order to secure media attention for unfounded claims," Paul Boskovitch, Fisker Automotive's director of powertrain and engineering, said in a statement.
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Old 05-17-2012, 02:53 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Default RE: Electric Vehicle Suffers Massive Flat Tire

Who are these AHS who make these outrageous statements? Must be republicans!
My Karms is perfect and drop dead gorgeous!
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Old 05-17-2012, 02:58 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Default RE: Electric Vehicle Suffers Massive Flat Tire

Next on "news at 11":

Fisker Karma incurs "massive broken windshild" caused by magnetic personality of designer and company founder Henrik Fisker...
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